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少佐コピペ

 えーと、一部には有名なマンガなんですが、「ヘルシング」というマンガ、ご存じの方はここ読んでる方におられますでしょうか?(やけに下手)

 このマンガの中で「ラストバタリオン」つまり最後の大隊というナチドイツの残党が復活を果たすシーンがあるんですが、そこで指揮官の「少佐」が行う訓話と言うか、演説があるのです。その演説、それだけで十分におなか一杯になってしまう程非常に濃いセリフで一杯なのですが、その演説をコピー改変するのが結構面白い訳で、かなりの数、バリエーションがネット上に存在しております。(韓国バージョンを見つけた時は大笑いしました)

 で、私も作ってみようかな、と思いまして。まずはココの元ネタ演説を見ていただいた上で下のパロ演説をご覧下さい。


諸君 私は艦船模型が好きだ
諸君 私は艦船模型が好きだ
諸君 私は艦船模型が大好きだ

戦艦が好きだ
空母が好きだ
重巡が好きだ
軽巡が好きだ
駆逐艦が好きだ
潜水艦が好きだ
ウォーターラインシリーズが好きだ
スカイウェーブが好きだ
シールズモデルが好きだ

タミヤの ハセガワの
フジミの ニチモの
ピットロードの アリイの
トラペの ドラゴンの
レベルの エレールの

この地上で作られるありとあらゆる艦船模型が大好きだ

スケールを揃えた模型を一列に並べて観閲するのが好きだ
視点を喫水線の位置に下げて見た時など心がおどる

船体の形状修正をするのが好きだ
気合いを入れた艦首のラインが決まった時など胸がすくような気持ちだった

エッチングパーツを取り付けるのが好きだ
手すりやレーダーの接着がきっちり決まった様など感動すら覚える

マストの間に張り線を張っていく時などはもうたまらない
張ったテグスが瞬着の弱さでばたばたと飛んでいくのも最高だ

ちまちまとマスキングテープを甲板に貼っていった後、エアブラシで甲板ごと塗ってテープを一気にはがした時など絶頂すら覚える

自分の考証を滅茶苦茶に批評されるのが好きだ
必死に作った完成品のここが違う、あそこが違うと指摘される様はとてもとても悲しいものだ

タ○ラの物量に押し潰されて製作が止まるのが好きだ
タ○ラの完成品の出来に追い回されて決定版を作れなくなるのは屈辱の極みだ

諸君 私は艦船模型を 地獄の様な模型製作を望んでいる
諸君 私と同じ艦船モデラー諸君
君達は一体何を望んでいる?

更なる冬の時代を望むか?
情け容赦のないアメの様なアオシマ旧キットを望むか?
鉄風雷火の限りを尽くし完成品購入に走る嵐の様なコレクションを望むか?

『リニューアル! リニューアル! リニューアル!』

よろしい ならばリニューアルだ

我々は渾身の力をこめて今まさにWLリニューアルを希望する艦船モデラーだ
だがこの暗い闇の底で20年もの間堪え続けてきた我々にただのリニューアルではもはや足りない!!

決定版を!!
一心不乱の決定版を!!

我らはわずかに一個大隊 千人に満たぬモデラーに過ぎない
だが諸君は一騎当千の古強者だと私は信仰している
ならば我らは諸君と私で総力100万と1人のモデラーとなる

我々が忘却の彼方に追いやり眠りこけているメーカーを叩き起こそう
髪の毛をつかんで引きずり降ろし眼を開けさせ思い出させよう
連中に艦船模型の味を思い出させてやる
連中に艦船モデラーの怨嗟の声を思い出させてやる

天と地のはざまには奴らの経済哲学では思いもよらないニーズがあることを思い出させてやる
一千人の艦船モデラーの集団で
スケールモデルメーカーを揺るがし尽くしてやる

征くぞ諸君


 いかがでしたでしょうか?(特に艦船モデラーの方々)
もし「ここはこうした方が」というフレーズありましたら添削願います(苦笑)


PS.これはあくまで冗談ですので、某タ○ラ担当者の○野さん、穏便に・・・・(やっぱり卑屈(^_^;))

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模型」カテゴリの記事

コメント

本当に過激ですなぁ。
おじさんはとてもここまではいえません。
体力のないメーカーにリニュを押し付けるのは
ちょっときついかな。
それよりも喇叭や竜の脅威について多少アピールしたほうがよろしいかも。

投稿: おじさん | 2005/12/18 09:01

いやあ、ご苦労様。
良くここまで書けましたね(爆)。

少なくとも今年の@Nifty模型展示会は、
艦船モデラーの圧勝だった!!
(AFVを蹴散らしたから(爆))

投稿: ロートシルト | 2005/12/18 13:05

年少モデラーが安さ理由に旧キットを購入して、艦船模型はダメだと思われたら未来はないですね。
リニューアルが財政的に厳しくても、旧キットの販売は止めて欲しいものです。

投稿: toshi | 2005/12/18 16:59

>おじさん、さん
>それよりも喇叭や竜の脅威について
同感です。日本のメーカー製品を買って盛り上げないと・・・しかし自分の場合はただでさえキットを保管するスペースがパンクしているのに、さらに在庫の山が(苦笑)。おじさんとは違い、自分は積んでいる状態での連合艦隊編成中で、そのままお店が出来るのでは?くらいあります・・・。

>旧キットの販売は止めて欲しいものです。
>toshiさん
例えばH社の夕雲型を10数年前建造しようとしたのですが、あまりの出来に廃艦処分にした苦い記憶があります。ボキッと2つ折りです。(笑)

それにしても今回の連斬大和は出来がいいと感じました。
担当のA少佐殿、連斬シリーズで翔鶴型やおおすみ型、そして世傑で1/144日本機お願いします。(^_^;)

投稿: なか | 2005/12/18 19:11

おじさん>
 いかに内情が大変と言えどもメーカーにケンカを売る演説では妥協は許されないのです(笑)でも、最近のアオシマの妥協点の低さは気になります・・・

toshiさん>
 かと言ってリニューアルキットの値段の高さがビギナーを遠ざけるのではこれまた逆効果・・・厳しい二律背反ですねぇ。

なかさん>
 やっぱり謝罪と賠償を要求しないとダメニカ?<丶`∀´>


投稿: みほり | 2005/12/20 08:55

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投稿: daigege1 | 2015/06/05 17:21

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